The Ramblings of a Madwoman: Panic

Panic.

This world isn’t against you, but it sure feels like it sometimes doesn’t it? It’s like, as soon as one thing goes wrong, everything else starts to fall apart. Little by little, your world feels like it’s crumbling around you.

I wear stress like it is a coat, except I wear it even when I don’t need to. It’s infused into me.  Let’s be real, stress is a bitch. It is mentally and physically draining to have everything piled on top of you. If you’re lucky, stress brings along its super fun friend, panic attacks.

Panic attacks are when your body and your mind have HAD ENOUGH. For me, panic attacks feel like:

the world

is

crashing

down,

like the floor beneath my feet has

disappeared

and I’m free-falling

and I can’t catch myself.

There is nothing to focus on

except all that is wrong,

and my heart feels like it’s coming out of my chest;

my lungs feel like they don’t get enough oxygen

and at any moment,

the little air I am getting is going to stop;

I’ve lost control.

I have hidden in many closets, bathroom stalls (gross), showers…anywhere that I think I can get a minute,

where I can let go,

without someone watching me break down and apart.

My favorite part of my panic attacks is when people tell me, “YOU JUST NEED TO BREATHE” (if you guys could see my face, you’d notice that my eyes just rolled into the back of my head).

Absolute gold, this advice! Why didn’t I think about breathing?

Other than breathing (DUH), the things that seem to help me are:

1. Being in a area away from prying eyes

2. Trying to think of anything else I can focus on, even if it’s dumb (unicorns??)

3. Writing

4. Listening to music

5. Screaming like a crazy banshee out in a field (don’t judge until you try)

6. Axe-throwing (a Rage Room will be something I try at some point)

You could also try the crazy idea of talking to someone about what has triggered you.

Maybe these ideas won’t work for you, but sometimes just knowing others are going through something similar helps in a way. If I could at least let you know that you are not alone in your mental health struggles, then I did what I set out to do.