A downtown local 6 train to
Brooklyn Bridge, City Hall
Approaching the station.
Please stand away from the platform edge.
Each morning on my way to my unpaid,
Sad and lonely
Unfulfilling internship, I wonder
What if it’s pulling me under?
What if I didn’t stand away from the edge?
What if I let myself go?
Because lord knows
I can’t take this 9 to 5 anymore.
But each morning I close
Off those thoughts and step into the closing doors.
Practicing balance in the middle of a subway train,
Closing my eyes, pretending not to feel my pain,
But in my mind, I see you and your new lover
And it drives me insane.
The anger, the envy,
The regret and disdain–
I put in my headphones.
But despite this crowded train car,
I still feel so alone.
Sometimes I want to cry because the world is so beautiful
And yet, I’m never truly satisfied.
If only I could express my feelings the way that artists do–
If I could paint my sadness when I look at you.
Leaves are falling but they’re still green.
What does this mean?
Why do the good die young
And why does this cold air fill my lungs
Leaving so many words left unsung?
The ground below me feels hallow and yet
I continue on with these heavy steps,
Choking on emotions too hard to swallow.
And I hope that I’ll fall through.
Maybe the soil and cement will cover me
And maybe you will be the one to discover me.
Or maybe the hallow ground under me will be my escape.
I know nothing of my fate;
I only hope these thoughts dissipate.
I hope I can forgive myself for my mistakes.