What’s My Love Language?

In 1992, a guy from North Carolina named Gary Chapman published a book titled, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.

He broke it all down.

Gary has concluded that there are five different love languages, and everyone has one language they take more of a liking to.

The different love languages are:

  • Words of Affirmation
  • Quality Time
  • Receiving Gifts
  • Acts of Service
  • Physical Touch

I took Gary’s test, and discovered my primary love language is Acts of Service.

To quote Gary:

Can helping with homework really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. When others serve you out of love (and not obligation), you feel truly valued and loved.

5 Love Languages Quiz Result: Acts of Service

All I can say is Gary is spot on about me.

Whenever anyone, in any facet of my life, does anything for me – be it clean the kitchen or when I’m running late to happy hour someone suprise-orders me a drink so it’s already there waiting for me – I’m sincerely always shocked and it’s not uncommon I’m moved to tears in those situations. I’m an easy crier, what can I say?

I have an Atlas Complex real bad, meaning I tend to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, I always have.

So even if it seems like I have things under control, I’m more than likely worrying about 20 other things, most things that don’t even directly concern me – my empathy will be the death of me.

I really, truly always appreciate any and all help. I also never even expect anyone to help me, so it’s always a nice surprise when someone does.

So guys, take the test! Identify your love language so you can both acknowledge your needs and how to explain to those in your life what you need to feel loved.

Once you know your love language, you can refer to the below for some advice on how to approach explaining your needs based upon your love language.

Words of Affirmation

If Words of Affirmation is your love language, below are some ways to explain the type of love you need.

I love it when…

  • you make me playlists of songs that remind you of me.
  • you make a point to compliment me, appreciate me, and encourage me.
  • you share your feelings with me.

I feel neglected when...

  • you don’t vocalize how you feel, it makes me feel anxious and unsure. If I don’t verbally hear you tell me how you feel about me, I question what you truly think of me.
  • you don’t verbally express moments when you are proud of me or appreciate me. It wears me down mentally and emotionally to have to try to assume you feel these things about me, I could be more at peace if you just told me.

Quality Time

If Quality Time is your love language, below are some ways to explain the type of love you need.

I love it when…

  • you are completely present in the moments we spend together, whether those moments are out at dinner or on the couch watching TV, I appreciate when you’re all there and not engrossed in your phone or thoughts.
  • you actively make plans for us to do things together.
  • we have genuine conversations that hold depth to them.

I feel neglected when...

  • you jokingly call me needy or clingy when I ask to spend more time with you.
  • you spend most of our time together absorbed in your phone, or planning other arrangements.

receiving gifts

If Receiving Gifts is your love language, below are some ways to explain the type of love you need.

I love it when…

  • I’m feeling down and you give me small tokens to try to boost my spirits.
  • buy me a thoughtful souvenir whenever you are traveling without me.
  • special occasions are never forgotten and always paired with intentional gifts that have great symbolic value.

I feel neglected when...

  • you forget special occasions.
  • the gifts have no deeper meaning behind them, they’re just given to me out of duty.

Acts of Service

If Acts of Service is your love language, like mine, below are some ways to explain the type of love you need.

I love it when…

  • I can count on you.
  • you make it a point to do whatever you can to help ease stressful situations.
  • you help with chores or errands without even being asked.

I feel neglected when...

  • you drop the ball and forget to do the task you promised.
  • you ignore my requests for help, no matter how loud or silent those requests may be.

Physical touch

If Physical Touch is your love language, below are some ways to explain the type of love you need.

I love it when…

  • I’m not the one always initiating the intimacy.
  • we’re walking and you hold my hand or put your arm around me.
  • you frequently give warm, affectionate hugs.

I feel neglected when…

  • we go long periods without any intimacy at all.
  • you coldly show affection.

Daily Practices to Keep Your Vibe Lifted

In my previous blog I mentioned how I started implementing some new daily practices that have been life-changing. I am SO excited to share them with you!

A huge theme I have found for 2020 continues to be Uncertainty. How are we to cope and have any sense of normalcy when we’re only six months in and have already dealt with a world-wide pandemic, quarantines, natural disasters, deaths… you understand. And now all of a sudden we’re expected to return back to normal?! Well, let me tell you my friend, there is no normal. There never was. You just got complacent and then shit hit the fan. That shit being 2020.

We’ve got one life to live and we were made to thrive in it. Yes, bad things happen and they happen every day — how do you react to them? It’s only then that we find our true growth lies on the other side of that obstacle. These are a few practices I’ve started each day to re-center and make sure I’m high vibin’.

  • Set intentions first
    • Every morning when you first wake up, before you get out of bed, before you check social media, set your intentions for the day. How do you want to feel? What do you want to accomplish? Get your mind right and set those intentions so you’re able to hold yourself accountable if you happen to get off track.
  • Stretch
    • After you’re out of bed, streeeeeeeeeeeeetch that body out! Standing tall, feet apart, deep breath in and reach for the stars. Deep breath out, stretch down towards the toes and release all that stale energy. Stretch those arms, legs, neck, back, whatever you need. Get the body moving for that great day you’re about to have.
  • Meditate
    • THIS. Oh, this. Meditation has probably been the most impactful for me. Headspace, Calm, and Insight Timer are just a few of many apps that have helped me get into a daily practice. I’m currently using Headspace because I like the playlists they have. All you need is 10 minutes a day… 10 minutes! My concentration and patience have improved immensely, plus I practice a few meditation tricks throughout the day when stress/anxious thoughts arise.
  • Manifesting and Affirmations
    • This is a close favorite next to meditation. ALL of your wants and desires can be yours! Believe it or not, you’ve been manifesting all your life without even knowing it. The reason you are where you are in life is due to the decisions you made to get to this point. As previously mentioned, I know that life throws us many curveballs, but how do you decide to swing? Is it a foul ball, or do you knock it out of the park? (…omg I just made a sports reference who am I…) But no, seriously.
    • For example, “This time next year I will be my own boss.” This is one that I say every day because it’s true! I’m working hard towards it and am 100% confident that I have everything in me to achieve it. Especially because I’m manifesting it every. single. day.
    • But that’s just the tip of the iceberg, you can manifest anything you desire as long as you truly believe. Act as if you already have it, how does that feel? Good, I’m sure. Stay in that high vibe and the universe will deliver when the time is right. It doesn’t even have to be something huge and magnificent, it can be as simple as a parking spot — I do this one quite a lot thanks to The Secret. I’ll have to write another blog on manifesting because I could talk about it all day.
    • Now to affirmations, these are great little pep talks I like to practice daily that have really changed my mindset. Words have A LOT of meaning, especially when you’re referring to yourself. A few I practice: “I am confident,” “I accept myself for who I truly am,” “I am love,” “I am light,” you get the idea. You can search affirmations for confidence, anxiety, money, anything!
  • Being grateful
    • At the end of every day whether it be in my phone, notebook, or just to myself, I list at least three things I’m grateful for. Gratefulness instantly lifts you because you’re forced into a more positive mindset. Plus, being grateful can only bring about MORE wonderful things to be grateful for!

These are just a few of many new practices I’ve been incorporating into my life to make it 100x better. Don’t get complacent. Your life doesn’t have to suck. Let’s help ourselves first so we can put our best foot forward in helping others. Together we can all see with new eyes.