What’s My Love Language?

In 1992, a guy from North Carolina named Gary Chapman published a book titled, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.

He broke it all down.

Gary has concluded that there are five different love languages, and everyone has one language they take more of a liking to.

The different love languages are:

• Words of Affirmation
• Quality Time
• Receiving Gifts
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch

I took Gary’s test, and discovered my primary love language is Acts of Service.

To quote Gary:

Can helping with homework really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. When others serve you out of love (and not obligation), you feel truly valued and loved.

5 Love Languages Quiz Result: Acts of Service

All I can say is Gary is spot on about me.

Whenever anyone, in any facet of my life, does anything for me – be it clean the kitchen or when I’m running late to happy hour someone suprise-orders me a drink so it’s already there waiting for me – I’m sincerely always shocked and it’s not uncommon I’m moved to tears in those situations. I’m an easy crier, what can I say?

I have an Atlas Complex real bad, meaning I tend to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, I always have.

So even if it seems like I have things under control, I’m more than likely worrying about 20 other things, most things that don’t even directly concern me – my empathy will be the death of me.

I really, truly always appreciate any and all help. I also never even expect anyone to help me, so it’s always a nice surprise when someone does.

So guys, take the test! Identify your love language so you can both acknowledge your needs and how to explain to those in your life what you need to feel loved.

Once you know your love language, you can refer to the below for some advice on how to approach explaining your needs based upon your love language.

Words of Affirmation

If Words of Affirmation is your love language, below are some ways to explain the type of love you need.

I love it when…

• you make me playlists of songs that remind you of me.
• you make a point to compliment me, appreciate me, and encourage me.
• you share your feelings with me.

I feel neglected when...

• you don’t vocalize how you feel, it makes me feel anxious and unsure. If I don’t verbally hear you tell me how you feel about me, I question what you truly think of me.
• you don’t verbally express moments when you are proud of me or appreciate me. It wears me down mentally and emotionally to have to try to assume you feel these things about me, I could be more at peace if you just told me.

Quality Time

If Quality Time is your love language, below are some ways to explain the type of love you need.

I love it when…

• you are completely present in the moments we spend together, whether those moments are out at dinner or on the couch watching TV, I appreciate when you’re all there and not engrossed in your phone or thoughts.
• you actively make plans for us to do things together.
• we have genuine conversations that hold depth to them.

I feel neglected when...

• you jokingly call me needy or clingy when I ask to spend more time with you.
• you spend most of our time together absorbed in your phone, or planning other arrangements.

receiving gifts

If Receiving Gifts is your love language, below are some ways to explain the type of love you need.

I love it when…

• I’m feeling down and you give me small tokens to try to boost my spirits.
• buy me a thoughtful souvenir whenever you are traveling without me.
• special occasions are never forgotten and always paired with intentional gifts that have great symbolic value.

I feel neglected when...

• you forget special occasions.
• the gifts have no deeper meaning behind them, they’re just given to me out of duty.

Acts of Service

If Acts of Service is your love language, like mine, below are some ways to explain the type of love you need.

I love it when…

• I can count on you.
• you make it a point to do whatever you can to help ease stressful situations.
• you help with chores or errands without even being asked.

I feel neglected when...

• you drop the ball and forget to do the task you promised.
• you ignore my requests for help, no matter how loud or silent those requests may be.

Physical touch

If Physical Touch is your love language, below are some ways to explain the type of love you need.

I love it when…

• I’m not the one always initiating the intimacy.
• we’re walking and you hold my hand or put your arm around me.
• you frequently give warm, affectionate hugs.

I feel neglected when…

• we go long periods without any intimacy at all.
• you coldly show affection.