Literary Wellness To Pass The Time

For those aspiring toward self-betterment, or those simply looking to cope with mental illness: keep reading. When I moved to the ‘big’ city, I left my therapist behind. After switching companies twice and health insurance three times, I never found a new one. Maybe it’s social anxiety, maybe it’s laziness. Who knows. Instead, during an especially desperate, depression-spiral induced shopping trip to Barnes & Noble two years ago, I started buying self-help books. These are the ones I’ve found and what I’ve learned from them.


First, We Make The Beast Beautiful: A New Journey Through Anxiety by Sarah Wilson

This was the first self-help book that I purchased in my shopping trip of desperation and it’s also the one that’s been the most impactful. This book helped me reframe my depression and anxiety – my beast – into something that wasn’t so intense and scary. Wilson uses her own life for the spine of the story, sharing what’s worked and what hasn’t in her experience. But most importantly, anxiety and depression isn’t showcased as some supernatural horrific, plague-like thing. It’s just a part of you, something that can be made livable, or even beautiful.



Unf*ck Your Brain by Faith G. Harper, PhD, LPC-S, ACS, ACN

This book was a secondary purchase just in case the FWMTBB:ANJTA didn’t work out. Unf*ck Your Brain looks at what causes our brains to go ‘chemically batshit’ which results in anxiety, depression, you name it. If you prefer hard facts, straight to the point, no bullshit formatting over personal storytelling, then you should try this book out. I felt like this book gave me a good foundational knowledge on the ‘why’ behind the feelings, which is just as necessary as knowing how to work through them.


Emotional Detox: 7 Steps to Release Toxicity and Energize Joy by Sherianna Boyle

I purchased this book on a whim without reading the back – I thought the front cover looked interesting enough. I only started reading it after realizing that a friends’ emotions were causing sleepless nights and emotional stress for myself. This quick read is packed with useful information as well as a C.L.E.A.N.S.E. method for working through your emotions. Boyle, the author, was in an extremely emotional and traumatic point in her life when she began writing the book which made it easier to relate to. I think that it’s never too late to learn how to cope or deal with emotions.


Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett & Dave Evans

This book is a part of the design-thinking phenomena created by Burnett and Evans at Stanford. Formatted around the idea of ‘reframing’ your thinking to create a life you enjoy and like, it’s a good tool for those who may be more apt towards ‘workbook’ type learning. There are small prompts, check-in dashboards and more to help you stay on track towards creating a better life. While I’m ultimately not a fan of ‘feel good’ books like this, it was an interesting read and did help reframe some destructive thought patterns. I think that creating physical dashboards for love, health, play and work can help to keep you focused on your goals.


What’s your favorite feel good book?

Mindfulness Magic

Stop what you’re doing for a second. Stop reading this and do these five things:

  1. Look around the room and name five things that you can see.
  2. Focus on four things that you can feel.
  3. Name three things that you can hear.
  4. Notice two things that you can smell. 
  5. Focus on one thing that you can taste.

Congrats! You’ve just completed your first grounding technique that is taught many times in practicing mindfulness. It’s supposed to help bring you back into the present moment, which is a main component of mindfulness.

Mindfulness, noun: the state of being conscious or aware of something.

Headspace.com describes mindfulness as, “…the quality of being present and fully engaged with whatever we’re doing at the moment — free from distraction or judgment, and aware of our thoughts and feelings without getting caught up in them.”

A lot of us are always going, always moving, thinking “okay when I get off work I have to do ____.”, “I can’t wait until the weekend so I can go ____.”, “I’m so worried about ____ because I can’t control ____.”

Does that sound familiar? It’s because we’re not present. We’re not living the beautiful moment that is right now. Everything before this moment is unchangeable, and everything after this moment is unpredictable. Sure, it’s okay to get excited about something happening in your future, but think about the times when that thought of excitement turns into anxious thoughts, worrying, etc. It sucks and it causes a lot of issues — I’m speaking from lots of experience. Even as I write this I’m experiencing it. LOL.

Have you ever thought about how mindful you’re being at any given moment? Researchers on mindfulness put together this quick little questionnaire to help you out!

You might be wondering why this matters — what are the benefits to being more mindful? Lucky for you, Headspace is back at it again with the wonderful information you need:

  • You’ll have lower glucose levels.
    • Researchers at Brown University found that those who scored higher in mindfulness were more likely to have healthier glucose levels than those who scored lower.
    • Mindful people are more inclined to believe they can change important things in their life as well, found in a study from the University of Pennsylvania. Mindfulness helps people feel less ashamed when presented with advice; making them more motivated to change.
  • Develop better eating habits.
    • Think about it! (Pun intended). Being more thoughtful about your food choices would obviously help you identify when you’re hungry, satiated, or too full.
  • Less anxiety and stress.
    • Researchers at Georgetown University Medical Center found that patients with anxiety disorder (omg meeeeeeee) had reduced stress hormone and inflammatory responses to stressful situations after taking a mindfulness meditation course.
  • Better ability to focus and improved memory.
    • Again, researchers published papers in the Journal of Management finding mindfulness stabilizes attention to the present moment. Those who studied mindfulness meditation were more likely to remain vigilant longer during tasks.
    • UC Santa Barbara researchers found that simply two weeks of mindfulness training can improve reading comprehension, working memory capacity, and ability to focus.
  • An increase in pain relief.
    • Wake Forest Baptist researchers conducted a double-blinded study including 78 healthy volunteers, and found that pain was reduced by over 20% after meditation.
  • Better sleep! Yay!
    • According to an article published by JAMA Internal Medicine, sleep from meditation improved in older adults that had trouble sleeping.

So like… where’s the negative? I’ve had some pushback from people when I express my love for mindfulness meditation and I don’t get it. What’s the worst that could happen? Even if you tried meditating for 10 minutes and didn’t feel you were “doing it right”, you were still able to get 10 minutes to yourself, right? You time is the most important time.

You deserve to live in the moment. You deserve to be present. You deserve not to worry or feel anxiety about the past or the future, because it’s unchangeable. What already happened, happened. And what’s going to happen, is going to happen, whether you like it or not.

I’ll leave you with a quote by boss babe meditation teacher and author, Megan Monahan:

“There is no good or bad meditation. The only bad meditation is the one you don’t do.”

“Don’t Hate, Meditate” – Episode 312 of Highest Self Podcast

Misdiagnosed and Misunderstood: ADHD in Women

“Look! A squirrel!”

“You’re running on dial-up while everyone else is running on WiFi.”

“You’re such a blonde.”

“What are you looking at? Are you paying attention?”


These are just a few of many phrases I’ve heard as a woman with ADHD. I do have to admit, the dial-up comment is hilarious and was said out of love from a friend. But you get the idea.

News flash to all the assholes out there: ADHD is more than having “squirrel” moments. It’s being withdrawn, having anxiety, low self-esteem, medication shame — the list goes on, y’all.

And the worst part? Even though we are making strides towards the issue…

it’s still a man’s world.

According to verywellmind.com, ADHD is a condition traditionally thought to affect mostly males. Not only that, women often don’t show as many physical symptoms as our male counterparts. Women are more prone to have inattentive ADHD, to where males deal more with hyperactivity/impulsivity. Luckily, thanks to knowablemagazine.org, I found that the diagnosis rate is now approximately 2.5 boys to every one girl.

For those that don’t know, ADHD/ADD manifests itself in three different ways: hyperactivity, inattentiveness, or a combination of both. I’d say I’m about 75% inattentive, 25% hyperactive (some may disagree on that with me though LOL).

Women are often called spacey, chatty, forgetful, air-headed… what great names to be called for a condition we were born with! Just because we’re not bouncing off the walls doesn’t mean we don’t struggle with remembering what we had for dinner last night, feel ALL the emotions VERY strongly, or my favorite, having a full-ass conversation with someone but not mentally being there the entire time. I have had so many conversations with people that after we’re done I have to sit there and recall what was just said. It’s both a blessing and a curse to be able to zone out that hard. Maybe this is what my old doctor meant when she said it’s my “superpower”.

So why are ADHD symptoms glossed over in women? Stephen Hinshaw, a psychologist at the University of California, Berkeley started studying women with ADHD back in 1997.

*Let’s pause for a brief eyeroll on a study about women done by a man.*

Anyway, Hinshaw found that women not only suffer the same problems as boys do with ADHD, but they have even more problems! Yay! He discovered that women “internalize” their behaviors, meaning they take all their problems out on themselves rather than other people. Of course it’s harder to diagnose a woman with ADHD if you can’t physically see her struggling. Because of things like this, girls often suffer from more anxiety and depression.

By Amber Lewis/Corvophobia on Tumblr

And then there are periods and hormones. Oh yes, these make ADHD symptoms even worse. Everydayhealth.com says, “During the first two weeks of a menstrual cycle, estrogen levels are high and women with ADHD may be in better control of their ADHD symptoms. As estrogen levels drop toward the end of the cycle, symptoms of low estrogen may start to make usual ADHD symptoms worse.” I feel this to my core. Even with my medication, that time of the month makes my ability to focus, control my temper, racing thoughts, etc. that much harder.

The article goes on to say that symptoms of ADHD have a lot in common with when your estrogen levels drop right before your period, or the years right before menopause. Estrogen affects receptors in your brain responsible for serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine.

Serotonin: The key hormone that stabilizes our mood, feelings of well-being, and happiness.

Dopamine: A neurotransmitter released when your brain is expecting a reward.

Norepinephrine: A stress hormone and neurotransmitter released into the blood as a stress hormone when the brain perceives that a stressful event has occurred.

The levels of these receptors dropping + ADHD = straight up recipe. for. disasterrrrrrrrrrrr honey! And if you do the math in the menstrual cycle of a woman, it leaves about one and a half weeks of having to manage ADHD without the worry of hormone/estrogen levels being affected. So ladies, take it easy on yourself. Know when to take a break.


It’s not a catchall, but luckily there are things like medication and therapy to help. Please remember that you’re not alone — I like to talk to my sweet husband when I’m having trouble (and I don’t have a therapy session coming up). Other things I like to do when my ADHD wants to get the best of me:

  • Meditate
  • Write my feelings/thoughts out in a journal
  • Take a nap
  • Talk to a friend/family member
  • Play with my doggy
  • Take a walk
  • Dance
  • Clean something
  • Breathing techniques
  • Listening to uplifting podcasts (my blog here lists some of my favorites).

And most importantly, as I already mentioned, take it easy on yourself! You don’t have to get everything right, finish your to-do list, or even keep a conversation on-track to be a good person. ADHD isn’t a superpower, but it is a part of you (and me), so we love her. We have to learn to love all parts of ourselves, even the less glamorous.

If you haven’t been formally diagnosed but feel as if this blog resonates with you, consider having a conversation with your doctor to see what you can do to get help. You’ve got this, babe.


More ADHD/ADD resources:

And That’s on Periodt, Cup: My Menstrual Cup Experience

My period has always been an issue — much like it has been for most people who menstruate! For the majority of my life I’ve begrudgingly gone the pads, tampons and panty liners route. With this has also come irritations, yeast infections, and overall extreme discomfort.


PLEASE NOTE

I am extremely thankful I am to live in a country where these options are available whenever I need them. I know it’s not this easy in lots of places in the world, so I will be categorizing this as a “first world problem”.


    I had heard about the menstrual cup a couple years ago. Initially I thought it was for hippies and would be a trend that’d die out soon — LOL. We have to laugh at how small-minded we were at some point, right?

    About a month and a half ago I started getting Instagram ads about menstrual cups (shout out to the FBI for planting that seed; no pun intended). So I thought, “what the hell, let’s do some research.” I put up an Instagram poll on who out of my followers loved/hated the cups if they’d tried them and why. The answers were all over the board, but a common theme was that they loved it once they got used to it.

    What is a menstrual cup?

    It’s a small, rubber/silicone funnel-like cup you insert into your vagina to catch your period fluids. They hold a surprisingly large amount of liquid because a lot of the time you don’t bleed as much as you think you do. They’re a more eco-friendly alternative to pads and tampons; you can go for up to 12 hours before you need to remove it!

    I hate to say it but the ad did its job! I found out which cup I’d like to try first, the size that worked for me, and didn’t look back. I recorded my experience this past week — check it out below!

    Youtube: My Menstrual Cup Experience

    As mentioned, I went with The DivaCup, but feel free to try whatever works for you! With the DivaCup there are three different types:

    1. Model 0: For ages 19 and under.
    2. Model 1: For ages 19-30 and haven’t given birth vaginally.
    3. Model 2: For those who are either over age 30, have a heavier flow, or are at any age and have given birth vaginally.

    On their website, DivaCup shared that the average person creates 300 POUNDS of waste in a lifetime from using disposable period products. Not to mention the massive amount of money you’ll save. One DivaCup is around $40 that you can use for an entire year before having to re-buy. I know for a fact I spend that at least every two months when using pads or tampons.


    Thankfully, you have plenty more options to choose from in the menstrual cup world! And since I am so passionate about period health, I took it upon myself to share those with you (you’re welcome, bb):

    FLEX Cup

    The FLEX Cup, $32: This cup is different in that it has a pull tab which some find easier for removal. It comes in both the Slim Fit and the Full Fit. The Bonus Pack available also comes with two menstrual discs if that is more comfortable for you.

    Lumma Cup

    The Lumma Cup, $42: This is a flexible disc with three sizes available designed to fit into the round walls of the vagina. There is a longer string attached making it easy to remove as well.


    Menstrual Cup vs. Menstrual Disc: What’s the difference?

    PUTACUPINIT.COM

    According to putacupinit.com, menstrual cups sit at the vaginal canal below the cervix. They can be folded into a number of shapes, and have a structured form to help collect the period flow. They are said to be a little more comfortable to insert. Cups create suction when inserted and removed (in order to prevent leakage), meaning you have to *pinch* the cup inside before removing to break the seal. SOMETHING I DIDN’T FIND OUT UNTIL JUST NOW: even though they normally aren’t, menstrual cups are able to be worn during sex.

    Menstrual discs sit lengthwise into the vaginal fornix behind the cervix and are tucked behind the pubic bone. They are inserted by squeezing the sides together (like a taco). Even though they can’t be folded into a multitude of shapes, they have a more flexible body to collect period flow. Discs don’t create a suction, but like the cup, they still do require dislodging with your finger and kegel muscles for removal. They’re also a little more prone to make a mess upon removal. However, the best part: they’re more recommended for wear if you’re wanting to get your freak on — just be sure to empty it before and after!


    Long story short: I loved the period cup and will continue to use it until menopause lolz. I just have to get the light flow situation figured out! Cups being eco-friendly, causing less irritation, ability to sleep in them, provide up to 12-hour protection, and (discs) allowing you to have mess-free period sex?! Sign me up, luv.

    How to Heal a Broken Millennial Heart

    My fiancé left me a week before our wedding day. On a Saturday night last fall, with no apparent reason after nearly 8 years together. (Not to mention a house with a mortgage, two pets and a few thousand dollars in wedding expenses.) I was told, “I need space,” and he left. It’s safe to say my life felt like it was in complete shambles, decimated in the course of three words. Never did I think I’d find myself at a Starbucks at 5 am on a Sunday sending out cancellation emails and texts. Personally, I was wrecked; but professionally, I was in the midst of the busiest and most important weeks of my life.

    This is what I learned on this wild healing journey.

    • You can’t heal where you were hurt. I didn’t feel comfortable in my house anymore, it just reminded me of the years of memories and time spent there. I went on my honeymoon to Paris with my mom (begrudgingly); thankfully she was able to get off work at last minute to come with me to the City of Lights or Love or for me – the City of What Could Have Been. The trip itself was fairly miserable, with many days spent lying in my hotel bed or walking endlessly through the city so I could try to feign sleep. However the physical distance allowed me to detach. (Note: This is a phrase that I would tattoo on my forehead just because of how perfectly true it is).
    • Support may come in surprising ways. I’m a fairly private person naturally, so when my private life was catapulted into everyone’s eyes, I was mortified. I would go to work and be met with sad, wondering eyes which only made it that much harder. Not to mention the endless embarrassment. Some people in my life, who had once been just on the periphery came forward to help support me; including a long-extinguished old flame, a casual coworker and even someone I’d known for only two weeks. These people without reason or explanation, stepped up and took care of me at my worst.
    • Sometimes there’s no real reason and that’s okay. As a long-time sufferer of high-functioning anxiety and depression, it’s hard for me to accept something that is gray. I need to have a black and white world. Right and wrong; good and bad; yes and no. Not ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I’m not sure’ or ‘I can’t explain it’. But sometimes, things are truly murky. Sometimes, there’s no good answer or reason. It was a tough pill to swallow. But every day I had to remind myself of what was true; actions.
    • Take your time. There is no perfect path to healing, or a one-size fits all plan. I tend to keep myself occupied when I’m anxious – but that prolongs the healing because you’re not actually confronting what happened. Sometimes you need to feel it – even if it’s only for a few minutes at a time in a safe environment. I spent a whole day of my honeymoon, cooped up in our hotel room, watching shitty French murder documentaries and purging myself of everything I’d been avoiding. I made myself confront what happened in its entirety, piece by piece before neatly letting it go. My one-time old flame was the one who really brought me to my senses. He told me, “he doesn’t care right now. I know it hurts, but you need to hear that.” Which was 100% true. As much as it hurt, I was wasting a perfectly nice vacation and being sad about someone who clearly did not care in that same moment. That mindset really helped me to take that first step.
    • Get it out of your system. Holding on to something from the past that is beyond your control is just draining. There will be no good ending. Having spent a solid two years in therapy during college, I consider myself to be fairly familiar with coping mechanisms. I chose to write a letter (technically an email while wine drunk in the bathtub, but hey, it still counts). I wrote to physically manifest my thoughts and feelings into something that could be set free, therefore releasing its toxic hold on me. I wrote to let go of all of the questions, thoughts and feelings that I’d been drowning in. The local radio show I listen to in the Midwest set a standard – “for however many years you’ve been together, take one day to mourn.” By that logic, I had 8 days to mourn. It was closer to 15 but giving yourself a deadline can help. I was determined to not spend an ounce more energy or time on this.
    • Only talk when you’re ready. After such a public catastrophe, everyone is bound to have questions. Even those with the best intentions will still want to ask questions that will feel like nails being driven into your always shattering heart. It took me months to fully open up to friends and family about what happened. On the other hand, you may have to ask close friends and families to stop mentioning it – stop treating you differently. It drove me nuts when people would look at me with sadness or remorse or embarrassment – no matter how well intended it was. I wasn’t some broken puppy in a cast or a bird with a broken wing so don’t treat me as such.
    • Healing isn’t linear. You will have good days and bad days. Maybe even good weeks with a few bad days sprinkled in. You will have nights of crying so hard, you’re sure the walls are about to cave in. But there will be joy. Remember that just because there’s a few slips on the journey, doesn’t mean you’re done moving forward.
    • Get out of bed. Physically. Metaphorically. While yes, those blankets and pillows may feel like your only comfort right now, but you’re not helping yourself by staying there. It may be painful and annoying, but you must get up and move a little. Don’t get me wrong, you need time to feel and process (see previous point) but know that there is a point where enough is enough. Even if it’s just to get a drink of water, get out of bed. I continued going to work (albeit at a heavily modified schedule) just to not be in my house. Was it easy? No. Was it comfortable? No. Did I want to accost every person who looked at me with sadness? Absolutely. But it helped give me space and to see that everything is still moving.
    • Heartbreak is temporary. While in the moment and for weeks or even months and years later, it hurts; little by little it will fade. You will rebuild – yourself, your life and your heart. You will become a stronger version of yourself. During this journey you will learn endlessly about yourself, your expectations and those around you. It may not ever be the same as before, but you’ll be better for it.

    While everyone will surely have their own experiences, these were the few ways that I was able to move through my situation a little easier. Rely on those close to you and reach out when you’re feeling down; you are not a burden.

    Dead Parents + Pandemic = Forgiveness

    I’ve never been suicidal, but I have been incredibly sad. Like… so sad I wanted to die.

    This is how I overcame that.

    My mom died in 2005. I adored her. You know how kids sometimes ask each other, “who do you like more, your mom or your dad?” I chose her every time.

    Some time before that my parents divorced and grandparents gained custody of little sister and me. My mom passed due to drug and alcohol overdose and my dad had his own demons: drugs and alcohol included. I never had any sort of stable father-daughter relationship, (but really, is that even a thing?). Long story short, I feel like I never had “parents”. My Nana and Pappaw were, and still are, my parents. And for that I will be FOREVER grateful.

    Cut to October of 2019 — my dad lost his battle to cancer.

    I felt the need to do a lot of forgiving before he passed but had no idea how. He was in hospice, and how could I sit in front of this comatose man to tell him that I truly forgive him when there could be no possibility of ever having a normal relationship again?

    Yeah, he said he’d change. One, two, 500 times. But he couldn’t, and now it’s too late. There is no way he could deep dive back into his childhood, moving from toddler – to kid – to teenager – to grown man, and heal all of the wounds originally making him an addict. Making him what I thought he was for the majority of my life: a loser.

    I can’t say he didn’t try to get clean. He eventually entered into rehab, but I honestly couldn’t tell you if he ever got better. When he started his rehabilitation I figured we’d finally have somewhat of a relationship, but in reality it plummeted even further.

    So, I go through the motions. I sit in the hospital room with my sister and half-brother as we all say we love and forgive him. But did I really? The entire two weeks we had spent with him prior, I felt as if my brother and sister were truly making good progress. I felt like they did actually forgive him. I wanted to make it seem as if I did too, because I didn’t want to add fuel to this horrible fire. Just as I took my turn saying I loved him, my dad, who had been asleep for the past two days, meekly looks up at me and waves with a soft smile across his face. I think, “oh shit. He heard me, does that mean I really have to forgive him now?” It was then, for the first time in my entire life, that I truly felt seen by my father. But I still wasn’t sure if I’d experienced true forgiveness.

    He died a couple days later.

    It took a while for me to come to terms with this, but my parents needed drugs and alcohol. They needed them to get by, to stay on this earth with my sister and me just a little bit longer. Without them, they may have been gone much earlier in life. Whatever pain it was they were trying to numb must have been excruciating. It breaks my heart that they couldn’t muster up the courage to slay their inner demons and make it right so they could live out all their dreams and desires as a family. They simply wanted peace and to mute all the bullshit going on inside. Who can blame them for that?

    Yes, they could’ve gone the healthy route and gotten clean. I so wish that is what happened. But you can only get help from so many outside resources before it gets to a point you realize you need to help yourself first. That’s the kicker, that’s what my parents truly believed they needed to help themselves.

    It wasn’t until March of this year that I was finally able to forgive them, and in turn forgive myself.

    So, Coronavirus, am I right? Covid-19 came into this year HOT — ready to flip everyone’s lives upside down. I was furloughed from my job which ended up being a huge blessing in disguise. Sadly though, my now husband was considered “essential”, meaning I’d be by myself for the majority of the week. This scared the hell out of me. I’m a people-person, how could I possibly spend the entire day with only my dog to talk to?! Luckily I figured that out rather quickly — oh, and also changing my entire outlook on life in the process.

    One day during my alone time I just so happened to stumble upon a 21-Day Meditation Experience led by Oprah and Deepak Chopra, called, “Hope in Uncertain Times”. I decided to try it out even though I had failed so many times in the past, something felt different this time. I was committed to seeing it through because I was fed up with my own bullshit. I was fed up with hating my parents and being unfulfilled in parts of my life that I could only blame myself for: getting a degree in something I’d been told I was never good enough in, thousands of dollars in debt, working meaningless job after job just because I needed money, now being furloughed from one of those current jobs, etc. etc. etc. The pity party was REAL. My spirit was broken, but little did I know my higher self had just arrived with all the glue I needed to put myself back together.

    Literally the SECOND day of that meditation challenge I had a breakthrough that was 27 years in the making. The theme for that day was: “Hope is always available” and to that I can now say, uh, hell yeah it is. I’m sitting there in the meditation trying to focus on what Deepak calls the “centering thought”, which was, “The power of hope is here every day.”

    Interpret this next part as you wish.

    I get into the thought, when all of the sudden my parents show up at the forefront of my mind. I see the three of us laying in a field of daisies having a full-fledged conversation. They say how they’ve missed me and how they’re so proud of how strong I am to get to this point. They told me they’ve been waiting for me. We continue on speaking for a while and I’m watching it all happen from above. I see me having this conversation. Keep in mind that this meditation is only 20 minutes long, but it seemed like I was laying in that field for hours.

    Deepak’s voice snaps me out of it wrapping up the session for the day and I proceeded to have… a panic attack? An awakening? What the hell? I started weeping, hard. Harder than I ever have. I couldn’t breathe, my whole body was trembling, but I felt this extreme weight lift from my body. Suddenly the phrase, “see with new eyes”, played very loudly over and over in my head. So I took some deep breaths and decided to let my body feel this intense emotion. I didn’t want to control it, it was time for me to release control. All of the tension, anger, resentment came flowing out of my body and I quietly say to myself, “I forgive them, I do. And I forgive myself for everything I’ve put myself through up to this point.”

    Well, that happened. Then I sat there for a while wondering if I should tell anyone but decided against it. It wasn’t time.

    About a month afterwards I continued working on myself every day (look out for upcoming blogs on what I did and am still doing). While in the shower, it hits me that I need to become some sort of life-coach. BOOM, THERE’S THE LIGHT BULB I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR! In a little less than a month I had been learning and learning countless numbers of ways to help myself, and now it’s time to help others. I’ve always wanted a career in helping others through laughter, but what if I could add helping people become their best selves in the process? Yes, this is it. I talked to my husband a bit about it and since he is a true angel in human form, he agreed I should go for it if it’s something I want to do.

    So this is exactly what I’m doing. I want to be an open book because I am not perfect myself and never will be. But I want to walk beside you as we work together to achieve your wildest dreams. I’m going to talk about manifesting, affirmations, synchronicity, all of the good things! They’re coming your way because it came my way, and for once in my life I’m sticking to a goal and not looking back. Let’s build each other up to live the lives we were made to live, because light always finds its way through darkness. Together we can all see with new eyes.