Cat Mom Problems

Where my cat people at??

Seriously, I believe that cats are the greatest animals and pets on this planet. I know, some of you reading this might be “dog people” but just to clarify: although I think cats are the best, this doesn’t mean that I hate dogs. Dogs are adorable, stupid and obedient little fur babies. On the other hand, cats are independent, snuggly and sneaky tufts of love. Some people click better with dogs, and others with cats, but let’s agree that all animals are beautiful creatures, yea?

Anyway, I’m the type of person that clicks better with cats. I mean, at one point in my childhood, a rather promiscuous Calico of mine named Snickers had so many kittens that we couldn’t give them all away fast enough. We had 12 cats roaming around our yard and bringing us dead birds for quite some time, and I loved it! This is part of what shaped me into the cat lady I am today. However, since felines are sassier and harder to train, there are issues that come along with being a cat parent. Most of these things are irritating in the moment, but man, they sure do some hilarious stuff when you replay their actions after the fact.

Here are some annoying but comical problems that may arise if you have a cat:

  1. Cats are clumsy goobers.

My cat, Ted Meowsby, seems to have zero awareness of his surroundings. It’s either that, or he just doesn’t give a hoot about what’s around him! Ted is a big boy– he’s part Maine Coon– and his tail is a giant force to be reckoned with. Often times, Ted will knock stuff off of tables just from flipping his tail from one side to the other. The best part about it, is when he accidentally topples a glass of water on the ground, he does not react at all. It’s like he pretends it didn’t even happen…or maybe he doesn’t even know it was him?

Ted is also what you’d call a “tree dweller.” I have these very high cabinets in my kitchen that he can swiftly jump onto by going from the counter, to the fridge and up to the very top. Usually, this acrobatic feat is done seamlessly. Except I learned that if I move anything on top of the fridge, it throws off his rhythm and it ends badly. If he can’t get his footing right, he slides all the way down the side of my refrigerator with his arms up, trying to grab onto something. As he slides, all of my magnets and pictures come crashing down with him! One time, I had just finished sweeping and mopping my floors and Ted lost his balance trying to jump up to the top of the cabinets. He slid all the way down my fridge, and along down with him, my magnets and photos came my new, full, glass salt shaker. Of course it shattered and salt was everywhere. He walked away as if nothing happened. Typical Ted move.

2. Cats are ferocious beasts.

When I picked out Ted from the litter, I knew he’d be a rambunctious monster. He was the kitten that was crawling all over and biting at his sound-sleeping brothers and sisters. He did not care. He wanted attention! I saw that fuzzy rascal and thought, “this little guy is mine!”

All kittens are little monsters, but Ted was a different kind, and still is. As a kitten, if I wore a maxi skirt, he’d latch on to the bottom of it with his front paws and slide around on the floor behind me as I walked. To this day, I can’t hang long curtains in my windows because he consistently would climb up them until they fell down. He even pulled down the entire shower curtain and its rod a of couple times, which was infuriating, but luckily he hasn’t tried that in over a year.

My cat is a true hunter. When he doesn’t have a bug to chase, sometimes he decides to hunt me. He will swat at and pounce on my feet until he grabs ahold of them. Then, the biting commences. It’s not pleasant, but I know he’s having fun, so I let him do it until it really starts to hurt.

As Ted gets older (he’ll be 3 on August 11!) he gets much less playful, which is honestly amazing. Even though he’s getting better, he still does a lot of crazy stuff that cause many a cat-scratch on my body. For example, his new favorite thing to do around February this year was to pounce on my head while I was sleeping! Sweet, right? He hasn’t done that in a few months, though and I’m praying for that phase to be over forever.

3. Cats are territorial and bossy.

Cat haters, I knot that you think all cats are mean and just like to hiss at you. However, most cats barely hiss once in their lifetime! Cats will only hiss if they feel threatened, and only very territorial cats are prone to hissing.

Ted Meowsby, though a sweet and lovable guy to all humans he meets, is incredibly territorial when it comes to meeting other cats. He thinks he’s the only cat around that matters (and maybe that’s because I’ve spoiled him so much) but this ego of his makes him very mean to other kitties who cross his path! When Ted and I go to my mom’s house for holidays, she has to put her cat away in a separate room so a fight won’t break loose. They take turns being shut in a bedroom for a few hours with food and litter, then switch places. It isn’t ideal, but Ted could probably kill my mom’s tiny female Snow Shoe. My cat is the boss.

Another funny example of my cat being bossy is how he claims certain spots on the bed or couch as his own. If I dare to sit in his spot on the couch, he will sit really close to me and then try to push me off the couch with his back legs! Also, as soon as I get up to do something, he immediately takes my seat. Don’t mess with the emperor of Apt. 28.

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There are so many other examples of how being a cat mom can be pain in the tail, that going into detail would take hours. Here are a few more things cats do that annoy their parents:

-sitting on your laptop or right in front of your laptop when you’re using it

-only eating a certain type of food and going on a hunger strike if it’s unavailable

-opening up cabinets to find the hidden bag of treats and then ripping it open to eat them ALL

-deciding to cuddle right when you have to get out of bed

-stepping right on your bladder any time they walk across you

-putting their paws in your water glasses

-making ANYTHING a toy (I had to take down my xmas lights because he wouldn’t stop swatting)

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With all said and done, being a parent to a cat is one of the best parts of my life! They’re annoying as all get out, but they’re also great companions. They’re amazing bug hunters (seriously, I trained Ted to kill roaches for treats). They know when you’re sad or sick or simply in need of a little more love. They show their adoration for you by kneading on you or rubbing their little furry faces on you. Their human caregivers are their world, and even though they may piss us off sometimes, they’re honestly too cute to be mad at.

Published by

Zoë Cardinal

Core Values: Positivity, Dedication, Education & Growth A language nerd with a passion for learning, I aspire to live each day to its ultimate good. I'm consistently in search of ways to become a better person and world citizen, by being of service to others and practicing self-care. I'm currently a middle school teacher in Brooklyn, NYC. Before moving to the city, I studied French, Sociology and Linguistics. I'm blessed to have spent a year in the south of France and a year in Ireland during my studies. I'm sober. I'm queer. I believe I'm on this earth to learn as much as possible and inspire others to do the same!

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