BABs of History: Lizzie Johnson

“BAB?? What’s a BAB?”

It’s a not a what, it’s a who – and she is a Boss Ass Bitch. This article is the start of a new PKC series where knowledge is shared on BABs throughout history that shockingly didn’t make it into our mansplained school curriculum.

First up is educator, entrepreneur, activist, and Taurus: Lizzie Johnson, the “Cattle Queen of Texas.”

Lizzie was born in 1840 in Missouri, but she moved to Texas at such an early age that she really did most of her growing in The Lone Star State. The daughter of teachers, she was quick to follow in their footsteps and became an educator at her parents institute for sometime before opening her own school in Austin. While Lizzie valued playing a part in educating the future leaders of America, she craved a life that was simply more. Her need for change, her general need for more, led her to a bookkeeping gig for numerous cattlemen that all held high status and great wealth in Austin. After a short time of being nose deep in these prominent cowboys’ accounting books, she thought, “Well I can do what these guys do, easy.”

And she did.

By her early thirties, Lizzie had bought her first ten acres of land and was among the first women to wrangle her own cattle along one of the major routes through Texas – the Chisholm Trail. Her success was revolutionary, her path was trailblazing, and while she was building this empire, she was still an educator and did not stop teaching at her school in Austin until well into her forties. Lizzie Johnson challenged societal norms, pushed through gender roles set before her, and was an activist with a passion for both women’s rights and additionally prison reform.

In the midst of expanding her business, Lizzie fell in love with widower Hezekiah Williams. But before she would marry him, our BAB, Lizzie, required a prenup that stated she would remain in full control of all of her finances and all of her property – Hezekiah couldn’t touch it without her say so.

Can we take a moment to applaud this revolutionary act that no doubt caused a ripple in the community? A woman in the 19th century not relinquishing control of her life to her husband?! Blasphemous!

This BAB said, “My blood, my sweat, my tears, my brain – my money.”

And honestly Hezekiah must have been a dope dude, because he signed it and they were happily married, boosting each other along their respective ambitions until his death in 1914. Her husband’s death absolutely crushed her, resulting in her to live her remaining ten years as what locals called her: a miserly recluse. I refuse to end her story on a sad note, so you should most certainly know that by the end of her life, old gal, Lizzie, had acquired 160 acres of land and amassed $250,000 which would convert to nearly $3 million today! And more notably, in 2013, she was inducted into the National Cowgirl Hall of Fame and Museum.

. . .

What can be learned from Lizzie Johnson is that following familial traditions is okay up until the point which you find yourself unsatisfied. Don’t ever ignore the hunger inside you craving more, don’t ever try to tame your fire to make others feel comfortable – sort out what you want and create a realistic path of how you’re going to get there, then make it happen. Most of all, Lizzie is a prime example of all of the limitless possibilities that can happen when you know your worth.

. . .

Sources: Smithsonian Mag, WITH, Wide Open Country, TSHA

September 1, 2020September 2, 2020

Emily SmithLeave a comment

When to Let Go & Let Karma

People usually aren’t that surprised to learn I’m an older sister. I tend to give off Type A vibes and even if I’m the drunkest person in the room, I’m still the quickest to sober up and help someone who’s in a worse state of mind than I am. What does surprise people is the amount of siblings I have – a whopping five. I have three not-so-little brothers and two not-so-little sisters and we’re all stair-stacked in age – 25, 23, 20, 18, 14, and 12. We all have severely different personalities, but within the differences obviously there are some defining traits that unify us as siblings. We all have a sharp tongue, zero patience for stupid questions, and we’re all incredibly selective about who we let get close to us.

So with us having severely different personalities yet a similar approach to people in terms of being guarded and slightly aggressive, you can imagine how intense some conversations can get within the Smith Clan.

Most recently I had a crazy theological discussion/debate with my 20 year old brother, Jackson. Now, as some background, Jack has a photographic memory, his head is full of the most random knowledge of the most intricate of things, we joke that a conversation with him is “Jack Jeopardy“. He’s an actor who’s been on stage since he was in elementary, which has empowered him to have a great speaking voice and everything he says is laced with such a projected conviction that you feel no need to dispute him half of the time as he seems as reputable as Wikipedia.

Jack has always had a rampant imagination that has him questioning every basic level thing most take for granted, which somehow transcended through age into him being able to have long conversations with anyone about anything – even on topics he genuinely knows nothing about. He knows how to ask those thought provoking questions that push the conversations along through twists and turns you hadn’t originally intended.

It was the other day when Jack and I somehow had a conversation about beliefs and Christianity that morphed into the power of karma. I am a firm believer that what goes around comes around, karma is real and you can’t convince me otherwise. Jack on the other hand, strongly argues that karma is interpreted completely wrong this day and age. He insists that karma isn’t about instant just consequences, the idea of karma transcends lifetimes and what you do in this life, affects your next life, and what you experience now is a product of your past life. So with Jack’s definition of karma, he doesn’t think that karma is enough in terms of punishment, because if someone does something bad in this lifetime, they won’t reap the effects of it until their next lifetime, and what’s the good in that?

These two ideologies of karma, one with rapid consequences and one with not so rapid consequences, is what lead to the big debate: Let go and let karma?

Jack will tell you…

Heck, no. Karma isn’t real, and if it is how could you possibly trust karma to take care of someone that has done serious wrongs, like Henry Kissinger? He is a man who should be charged with war crimes, but he won’t ever get punished for them. He should pay for the terrible things he has done, how can someone be as rich as him and also walk away unscathed from the bad he has done if karma is real? If karma is truly real, he would pay for these crimes, since what goes around comes around. Furthermore, if karma is real, it is not enough of a punishment, karma is nothing more than an excuse for societal inaction. Individuals need to take onus, for we are responsible for our own reality, delivering justice where justice is due, and we should not leave the fate of terrible people up to the universe.

To that I say…

It’s complicated. While I am a firm believer in karma, I fullheartedly agree that we are responsible for our own reality. These two things, karma and onus, coincide for me in that I don’t believe in always handing the reigns over to karma. Not at all. If you are presented with a situation where there is an obvious bad party involved, follow the below procedure:

The are two very different endings to the above, you’re either letting go or you’re actively trying to correct the situation. For the sake of the conversation, Jack heavily focused on Henry Kissinger being a prime example of how karma isn’t real or isn’t enough. But if you’re a believer in karma you’ll understand the following:

Karma is not always obvious.

It is very easy to think that wealthy people couldn’t possibly ever reap the effects of karma because they have so much money to ward it off. But karma wouldn’t get to someone in a way that isn’t right for them, karma isn’t going to come at the rich by attempting to drain their bank account dry with broken down car after broken down car.

Karma comes at each individual appropriately.

Maybe Henry Kissinger will never know true happiness, maybe none of his friends are real, maybe most people in his closest circle hate his guts. You can’t tell me little things like that aren’t micro acts of karma coming to play. So if you can sit back and let karma do its thing, then it’s better to think in this mentality, that karma is not in the big things, it’s in in the little things. Just as the little things can bring you happiness, the little things can also pile up and crush you down.

Sometimes, karma needs a hand.

Back to Henry Kissinger, I know, I know, it’s random but so is my brother so this is where the conversation went. Jack says karma is an excuse for societal inaction – if this is the case, then honestly, be the change you wish to see. What can you do to make Henry Kissinger uncomfortable? Email him, send him letters of everything he’s done wrong and that which makes him a war criminal in your eyes. Batter him with reminders of his wrongdoings. Be the bell constantly ringing in his ear.

There’s always something you can do.

So this translates into other areas of life, if someone in your work or personal life has done something that’s simply wrong – think about your options and how you can right the wrong, whether it’s a direct conversation with them calling them out, or maybe the wrong is deeper than that and a higher entity needs to get involved – do what is right. This is also where karma becomes a bit self-serving, when you’re righting the wrongs of others for a greater purpose, you are also bringing good karma upon yourself. What goes around comes around, remember?

. . .

Ultimately, it’s up to you whether you let go and let karma. While I personally believe in the power of karma, and have very much seen it rear its head and kick dirt into the face of those most deserving, some people haven’t seen it and/or simply don’t believe in it – like my brother. While, him and I were able to have this insane discussion on karma, the funny thing is… he really doesn’t believe in it at all. Not one bit – even what he described karma to be, he doesn’t believe in that either. But he is able to see how others can believe, and is able to have a conducive conversation about it in order to better understand the world and those that live in it.

August 26, 2020September 10, 2020

Emily SmithLeave a comment

Social Media: The Wild Frenemy

Social media is wild, absolutely wild. It’s a force of nature that we treat as the annoying storm that never passes, but really, it’s a waking tsunami filled with inspiration, motivation, and community. It’s indubitably the ceaseless war between left and right, positivity and negativity; it’s your side, my side, yet is it ever the truth? Social media has the power to grow the smallest of feats and the ability to take down even the strongest of foundations.

Social media is everyone’s frenemy.

It’s that person you keep close to you out of fear of what will happen when out of sight, it’s the person that sometimes when you let your guard down with them you find they’re actually not that bad, but it’s also the person that you do let your guard down with… and it’s exactly what you expected: your words get twisted and shared, your meaning lost, and your venting rant falls into the ears of a snake, it’s now something that can never be erased… the way others view you now tainted.

I grew up in a weird transitioning stage of technology. My first phone was a Cingular flip phone, with no camera, I had a trove of VHS tapes, portable DVD players were the shit, and I got a Facebook when I was in sixth grade (2006) then a Myspace the following year – oh, was my mom mad about the socials.

In these early years of social media and multimedia messaging, parents and teachers alike were quick to preach to us all, “What you post and what you text lives on the internet forever, be careful!” As we grew up, ‘be careful’s morphed into, “Your job looks at your social media as much as they look at your resume, think about your future!”

So, I’ll say it again – social media is wild.

It has single-handedly fired up civil rights movements, kept these movements relevant, and it’s created community. Everyone can find a community on social media, they can learn about causes they never even knew to care about, they can find an account to follow with the right inspiration they’ve been looking for. Across the board between Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, the limit does not exist with how you can shape, reshape, and reshape again, what your feed and what your personal brand looks like.

If you feel your socials are one note, or too political, or too this, or too that… change up your algorithm.

Go through the accounts you follow, the people you’re friends with, and follow/unfollow – get things off your feed that don’t bring you happiness, advance your knowledge, or aid in personal growth.

Instagram was an easy cleanse – I unfollowed a lot of the random meme accounts and celebrities and then asked myself what I wanted to see, what I needed to see, during moments throughout the day when I take my IG scroll breaks. Do I want to see what food people are eating? Or how about the same dumb meme with knock-knock-joke level humor shared one million times across like 10 accounts? Heck, no! I wanted some finer scrolling content, thank you.

I wanted quality, inspirational, powerful content. After each scroll break, I wanted to feel rejuvenated and ready to take back on the world. I wanted girl power content, I wanted spiritual content, astrology out the ass content… I followed accounts like The Female Hustlers, Black Female Therapists, Oh That Witch Again, and Taurus Scopez.

With Facebook, I felt a bit more conflicted on how to cleanse as I’m not typically one to randomly delete people – which is the standard way to cleanse these days. I generally feel that deleting people isn’t really erasing the problem, and I also think it’s important to try to put yourself in other’s shoes whenever possible. So by not deleting people, I get to do this, attempt to somehow see the world through their eyes – what they come across on their timeline, decidedly resonate with, and then go as far as to share onto their own platform… it says a lot about them. What one shares on social media is very telling about how they are as a person.

FYI this is me lowkey admitting that I psychoanalyze what most everyone posts 😉

Ultimately, my Facebook solution was to actively go through and make sure I was following, like actively going to profiles and hitting the follow button, those friends who have a good rep in terms of posting a wide range of content. My second solution was to find private groups to join. My top favorite groups that keep my Facebook feed filled with Grade A quality content are The Solo Female Traveler Network and Road to 100 Countries. Both pages keep my feed adequately filled with people’s personal travel stories, their tips, and overall inspo to get out, travel, face any fears and knock down any barriers.

So as wild as social media is, I think we must face that it’s something you can’t really ignore or pretend doesn’t matter in this day and age. You just can’t. So, take this frenemy by the horns and own it – make it what you want, because while you can’t ignore it, you can certainly tell it what to do.

. . .

Side note – with a post about social media I feel I should throw in that I hope you’re following PKC on Instagram & Facebook 🙂

August 18, 2020August 19, 2020

Emily SmithLeave a comment

My Corner

August 13, 2020September 13, 2020

Emily SmithLeave a comment

Wine 101: Barebone Basics

One thing about me that shocks most people is the amount of part-time jobs I’ve had in my life. I’ve worked various babysitting gigs, retail at place such as Loft, The Children’s Place, Dollar General, Macy’s… I’ve worked at Waffle House… I’ve worked as a package handler for FedEx… but my most favorite part-time job I’ve ever worked is at a cute little wine boutique in the East Village – Taste Wine Company.

I know, I know – you’re thinking, “Wow… shocker… Emily’s fave part-time gig being at a place that gives her a booze discount? Not rocket science.“

And if you’re not thinking that, then you’re still stuck on the Waffle House bit… and I’ll tell you now that it’s okay, I’m okay.

But here’s the thing – while the wine & spirits discount was a definite plus, what was actually my favorite part of the job was learning so much about the wine and spirits. Not only the simple things, like what I actually enjoy and being able to point customers to something I’m sure they’ll enjoy, but learning about how everything is made and what makes each beverage unique.

Throughout my time at Taste, I learned so much, and that knowledge paired with the luxury events I began attending through work… my personal taste developed quite radically. Where most of my friends were still into Oliver Soft Red, I began looking for a California cab, and when they’re craving a moscato, I’m looking for a sauv blanc. I also at times find myself turning up my nose at those who are into the sweeter wines, but then I immediately scold myself with the reminder: “Wine is subjective, Emily. Get a grip, it ain’t that deep girl.”

But it was a recent dinner where I ordered a glass of sauvignon blanc and my brother said, “Oh, did you find that wine when you were working at the wine shop?” I realized he assumed sauvignon blanc was not just a type of wine, he assumed it was a brand name – granted my brother is one year shy of 21, but still, it got the wheels in my head turning. I have such a basic level knowledge of wine, but I do understand it… so why not share my very basic knowledge with others who are looking to to broaden their own wine knowledge?

So let’s breakdown four common dry wine varietals:

Red

Pinot Noir

Pronunciation = pee-noh | n’wahr

This is typically a lighter to medium bodied red with not a lot of tannin (bitterness), and while pinot noirs definitely can have earthy notes to them, they more commonly get a bit fruitier with prominent berry, or jammy, vibes to them. A major note here is fruity does not mean sweet! When talking jammy, think of this in terms of the tartness and lingering aftertaste in fruits like cranberries or black cherries. In terms of what “earthy” means, well with some wines you can almost taste something similar to dirt, but mixed with hints of spices – it sounds funky, I know, but with wine it just works.

Pairs well with: In general, red wine goes great with a heftier meal, but it’s important to remember that pinot noir is a lighter red wine, so this isn’t meant for a heavy steak dinner. Pinot noirs go great with things like pasta dishes, roasted chicken, & medium cheeses like Gruyere.

Popular regions: Oregon, California, New Zealand, Australia, (Burgundy) France, Germany, & Argentina | I’m a sucker for pinot noir from Burgundy. The most random pinot noir I’ve had is one from Macedonia – this was earthy as all get out and tasted like straight dirt – but what’s fun about wine is that while I’m not into it, some people totally are and that’s OK 😉

…

Cabernet Sauvignon

Pronunciation = cab-er-nay | soh-vee-ah-(n)

When someone just says, “I’ll take the cab, please” – this is what they’re referring to, cabernet sauvigon. Some also call it the “cab sauv” [pronounced: cab sav, say it all through your nose like Fran from The Nanny] Now you know the lingo, it’s time to understand what this red is going to taste like. Cabs are heavier bodied, bold, high on the tanin (bitterness), and dry af. So if you are a sweet wine drinker who wants to dip your toes into dryer wine, do not start here, friend. It will deter you big time. This is a wine varietal to ease into, for instance if you do a wine tasting night, there’s a higher chance you’ll dig cabernet sauvignon if you taste in the order of: lighter softer red you’re accustomed to, a jammy pinot noir, maybe a medium bodied red like a petite syrah, then go for the heavier cab sauv.

Pairs well with: Big, bold wine goes with a big, bold dinner. Cabernet sauvignon goes great with hearty red meat dishes, massive portabello mushrooms, & it pairs well with most any cheese, but especially hard cheese like Gouda & cheddar.

Popular regions: California, (Bordeaux) France, Australia, & Chile | As mentioned earlier, I’m always game for a California cab.

White

Sauvignon Blanc

Pronunciation = soh-vee-ah-(n) | blah-nk

Sauvignon blanc is typically a safe white wine choice; these are lighter bodied, citrus-y, and really easy on the taste buds. But reminder, this is still a dry wine – while it seems fruity, it’s certainly not sweet. Typical tasting notes with sauv blancs are grapefruit, gooseberry, white peach, or melon – and if these sound like fruits you’d like on a hot summer day, that’s the exact mood of a sauvignon blanc. Think crisp, refreshing, and summer vibes when envisioning a sauvignon blanc situation.

Pairs well with: Mantra: lighter wines = lighter foods. So mix that mantra with the summery sauv blanc, and you’re probably not surprised that it goes well with seafood, green veggies, & a smooth goat cheese = all light, bright and fun 🙂

Popular regions: California, (Loire Valley) France, New Zealand, & South Africa | French sauv blancs are typically smooth & subtle, while New Zealand sauv blancs have a vibrant grapefruit personality.

…

Chardonnay

Pronunciation = char-duh-nay

Chardonnays were the hardest wines for me to understand, one: if I even liked them, and two: what people even meant when they would call them buttery. Like how can a wine be buttery?! But then, one day I had my ah-ha! moment. I tasted a California chardonnay and a French chardonnay (a white Burgundy) back to back which enabled me to taste the difference immediately. To back it up a bit, chardonnays are generally a medium bodied white wine, they have a summery pallet of a sauvignon blanc but think of a thicker, warmer version. For me, after tasting these two chardonnays from different regions within moments of each other, I was finally able to taste the “butter” that everyone mentions. Due to being aged in oak barrels, that California chardonnay was considered “oaked” and the wine’s thickness tasted more like a buttery vanilla, while that French chardonnay, which was not aged in oak barrels and considered “unoaked”, came across more like a velvety, mineral-y citrus.

Pairs well with: The buttery, oaked chardonnays go great with more intense dishes like smoked seafood & creamy cheeses, while the mineral-y unoaked chardonnays pairs great with light white meat dishes & medium cheeses like Gruyere.

Popular regions: California, (Burgundy) France, Australia, & Italy | If you’re into the citrus-y, mineral wines – look for unoaked chardonnays!

I only mentioned four varietals, but there’s so much more than that!

One of my absolute favorite parts about wine, is that it’s subjective. There’s no wrong answer, no wrong preference, no wrong pairing – it’s all about your personal taste! So while I made pairing suggestions up above, they’re just that – suggestions. If you want to have a red wine with your summery salad – go for it! If you try these wines and you don’t taste any of the things I said you would – it’s not that big of deal. The fun part about doing a wine tasting with others is comparing what you taste versus what they taste, and thinking, “Wow, interesting, I think I taste that now!” or thinking, “Nope, don’t taste that at all… still don’t taste it, nope.“

The worst thing you can do is let yourself be intimidated by wine; wine is fun, complex, and honestly it’s like world culture in a glass. More importantly, don’t let anyone tell you your taste is wrong – it’s just different than theirs.

“In racing, there is no question who is best – the first one to cross the finish line wins first prize. But with wine, even if you make the best wine in the world, someone isn’t going to like it, because it isn’t their style. Judging wine is very subjective.”
Mario Andretti

August 11, 2020

Emily SmithLeave a comment

One Track Mind: Embrace Complexity

You know, I’m getting incredibly confused with the world lately. I’m confused how for every cause, there is someone with a counter cause. You know, the people who go, “Mask on?! What about SEX TRAFFICKING, huh?! DO YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT THAT?!” or “Black Lives Matter?! What about ALL LIVES MATTER, huh?! I MEAN, DO YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT THE STARVING CHILDREN IN AFRICA?!“

It’s so crazy to me, like homeboy of course we care about all of these things… did you know you can care about multiple things all at the same time? And please, someone stop me here if I’m spoutin’ crazy… but I have more than one passion, I have more than one cause that matters to me… I am proudly a complex human over here.

For example: I think you should really wear a damn mask, you bet your ass Black Lives Matter, sex trafficking is undoubtedly something that needs more media attention, teachers that have in-person classes this fall should be titled as essential workers (hazard pay?!), and we really need to SMASH THE PATRIARCHY!

Oof, maybe got a tad excited at the end.

But do you see what I’m saying? It’s so incredibly ignorant to think that someone only has a one track mind and that they are only capable of caring about one thing at a time. Just because you see them blasting one cause on social media, or photos of them only doing the same two things all the time – a person’s social media is not the sum total of that person. It’s just what you’re currently seeing, it’s their “highlight reel” if you will.

I’ve personally been struggling a lot lately with how people see me, and I have this fear that I’m being pigeonholed into a set personality. Yes, I very much enjoy going out and can probably drink half you readers under the table, but I don’t go out for the soul purpose of getting trashed. I go out because I enjoy the atmosphere, the socializing, the people watching, the dancing, the music, to put it simply – the vibrant hum of nightlife makes me feel alive.

But you know what else makes me feel alive?

Getting so absorbed in a book I accidentally stay up until 5:00 am just to finish it, hot summer days spent in the middle of lake, the minute the plane wheels hit the ground of the tarmac and that reality hits of “I’m here.” I feel alive the first snow of every winter and the turn of the first leaves every fall. I feel alive every time I get to make ricolis with my Papa, and I feel alive that moment of every family gathering when I find my siblings’ hiding spots and we all evade the bulk of the fam and randos together. I feel alive when I’m in a monster vehicle, windows down, flying down backroads, music blaring. I feel alive every time I return to Manhattan.

I am more than what you see, I am more than what you think you know about me – and I always feel the same towards others. I always believe, and at times desperately hope, that they are more than what I see being posted online. People are complex, and it’s time everyone understands this.

“It would be a terrible mistake to go through life thinking that people are the sum total of what you see.”
Jonathan Tropper

August 4, 2020August 6, 2020

Emily SmithLeave a comment

Emily’s Roommate Guide

In all my 25 years of life, I’ve never had my own apartment (excluding my brief semester abroad, but let’s be real I was hardly in that little dorm.) I’ve always had one or multiple roommates; and there’s not one place I’ve lived where I don’t have a crazy story to share – both good crazy and bad crazy. Just to name a few, I’ve had roommates hide under the bed for days at a time, I’ve had roommates accuse the entire apartment of tackling their 5-gallon jar of pickles (gag), I’ve had roommates with no sense of pride in the space we both call home, and I’ve had roommates where we don’t even remotely speak the same language.

Each and every one of my living situations could not only have their own blog post, but I could write a whole series of books, accurately titled: “Emily’s Series of Unfortunate Roommates:The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly”

But this post isn’t a tell-all on past roommates – sorry to disappoint you, you gossip ready scoundrels. Instead, I’m roaming the higher ground here. I’ve decided to share what I’ve learned through these good and bad situations, and most importantly: questions you should ask yourself when in the market for roommate.

Blanket Question: What is important to you?

This may seem like an obvious question, but clearly not since at 25 – 7 years into the roommate game – I’ve only just learned how to properly answer this when on a roommate search. Let’s breakdown what could be important to you, you just don’t realize it yet:

Which spaces always have to be tidy or you’ll have an aneurysm?
- Even if you think you’re pretty chill, not too much of a neat freak, I’m sure there’s actually one or two things that get under your skin. For me, I’ve realized I need the toilet to always be pearly white, uncluttered kitchen counters, and absolutely nothing permanently (or even semi-permanently) planted on the stove – excluding a kettle – I also cannot cope with dishes overflowing the sink for more than like 3-4 days. So if you get roped in with someone who ends up being more on the messy side, voice the spaces that matter most to you.
How do you feel about entertaining guests?
- Granted, in Covid-Culture, this question is answered way differently now then it would be if all was right in the world – or for some of you, maybe not! Either way, it’s important to sort if you’re content with guests frequently coming and going, staying for short or long periods of time. Especially if you live in a major city, it’s common for friends and family to want to come visit often and for longer than just a weekend. So figure out how you feel about this, if you’re content with strangers coming and going – potentially running up utility bills during their stay 😉
Speaking of utility bills, how do you feel if it seems your roommate may be causing spikes in bills?
- If I’m being honest, I never even realized that this was a thing until very recently. In my books, you’re in a contract with your roommates to go half on everything. If there’s a spike in the bill, it sucks but that’s just it – it sucks. Even if the other person may have caused it, you couldn’t possibly confirm that, so you have to buck up and pay your half and everyone aim together to be more conscientious for the next bill cycle. Trying to pin a spike in a bill on someone is a slippery slope, because what about the months you had several guests staying for a week or two at a time? Or how about there’s a month where you’re using the washer and dryer more? Do you see what I’m getting at? It opens a door that you probably don’t want to open. But either way… if this is your little psycho tick… sort it out now before trying to screw someone over. Have fun with that future conversation! Side note, if you don’t bring this up and try to con a roommate into paying more of a bill – shame on you.
Your sleep schedule?
- Most of the time, you know if this is important to you – so voice it! Make it known that you’re a night owl, or make it known you go to bed at 8, grandma 😉

Blanket Question: What are you looking for in a roommate?

This is not just finding a cool person to live with, nor the same as simply finding a friend. While the above questions definitely facilitate sorting this question out, below is a breakdown of how to sort out the type of person you’re looking for:

Do you want someone with the same daily schedule as you?
- Having the same schedule as someone is great, in theory. It opens doors to be able to hang out together after work and sleep schedules should be fairly similar. But also, it means they are always home the same time you are. For me, I’m not into that. I need alone time, I need the space to myself, and I hate fighting over the freaking bathroom. I’ve realized my ideal roommate’s schedule is someone who wakes up at the ass-crack of dawn and leaves the apartment before I wake up. Then I get to have a quiet morning to myself and get in the right head space for the day.
Are you looking to become best friends with your roommate?
- This is fine! Moving to a new city and seeking to befriend whoever you live with is a smart way to get established and such an easy way to make friends. So think about what characteristics you like in a friend, but also think about how that translates into a roommate. Party people are fun, but do you want a party apartment? Bubbly, outgoing people are great, but are you someone who needs alone time to recharge? Just make sure you understand what you’re getting into!
What’s the ideal vibe?
- It’s super important to me that my apartment is cozy, decorated, and smells heavenly with candles frequently lit. Maybe you’re wondering why this didn’t go in the first blanket question, but this is totally a personality thing. I’ve had roommates who just emit comfort from their very being and it translates into the apartment setup, I also have had roommates who see the apartment as just the place they sleep and aren’t into the whole decorating thing, or they have a minimalist vibe and aren’t into knickknacks and decorations. So while it’s important to understand your vibe, it’s equally important to sort out your roommates vibe – then you can create a conducive atmosphere that makes your space more than just an apartment, it makes it a home.

Blanket Statement: Know your boundaries.

If you understand what your boundaries are, what you are comfortable with and what you’re not, the roommate search will be more fruitful. If you’re not that clean, there’s no point in lying about it just to get the dream apartment with someone. If you need alone time, voice that and most people will respect it.

One thing I casually began doing to better understand what gets under my skin, is starting a “When People…” note on my iPhone. Whenever someone does something that rubs me the wrong way, even slightly, I write it down – just the action, not the person’s name, this isn’t a list of grudges! It has things like “When people interrupt others when they’re speaking,” which equates to the fact that basic manners are incredibly important to me, and another one is “When people flake on responsibilities,” and that one I don’t think I need to explain 😉

Creating a simple list of pet peeves is a great way to understand not only what you don’t like, but also what you do. Ultimately, it’s important to know yourself in order to know what you need from others so that you can flourish.

DISCLAIMER: While I hope this guide helps you, I think shit roommates are major character building experiences 😉

…..

PS: the featured photo is that of me and one of my best friends that’s survived many roommate horrors with me ❤

July 31, 2020August 6, 2020

Emily SmithLeave a comment

Déjà Vu

Those moments, you know the ones, where you’re doing something as simple as laughing in the car with friends or reaching for the same can of soup as someone else in the grocery – and you’re hit with a feeling of, “Woah this has happened before, I’ve lived this precise moment once before.“

This is déjà vu, the already seen moments.

I always had believed these moments to be striking and perhaps that I’d simply dreamed them before, but it was a friend in college that enlightened me with a different idea. They told me that these moments are actually when the universe is reinforcing that you are exactly where you’re meant to be right then and there. It’s reaffirming that all of the choices you’ve made, up until that moment, have been the correct moves and you’re still heading the ‘right way,’ or the way the universe has intended for you.

If anyone else’s friend had told them this, I could imagine most folks would blow them off with a “Pft, yeah right, okay.” But I’m not most people. I’ve always had a striking intuition, a curiosity of the unknown, and I’ve always believed the earth is constantly speaking to you – and you could hear it if only you’re listening close enough. Also, to put it simply, I thought my friend’s take on déjà vu was so beautiful I didn’t even want to question it!

But here I am, a few years later, just now wondering if my friend was truly onto something or full of shit.

And after a very brief round of research, the worlds of science and psychology are divided.

Power of Positivity, which solely based on the name, you’d think would embrace my friend’s take on déjà vu – but nope. Their article actually references a study completed by Akira O’Connor and his team at the University of St. Andrews, UK; this study had shown that déjà vu is actually just a ‘healthy memory checking system’. It’s your brain basically trying to trick you by telling you, “Bro you’ve been here before, doing this exact thing…”

You hesitate before thinking, “No, no I haven’t? I totally haven’t but you’d know better than me… right??”

To which your brain laughs, “Totally got you man, you’ve deffo not been here before – just trying to keep you on your toes!“

This is also why people most frequently have déjà vu between the ages of 15 – 25, it’s when memory is the sharpest and your brain is constantly checking for memory gaps or errors.

On another note, an article by Judith Orloff M.D. in Psychology Today, aligns incredibly close to what my friend described déjà vu to be – yay!

“[Déjà vu is] a memory of a dream, a precognition, a coincidental overlapping of events or even a past life experience in which we rekindle ancient alliances. What matters is that it draws us closer to the mystical. It is an offering, an opportunity for additional knowledge about ourselves and others.”
Judith Orloff M.D.

Now this is the fun meaning behind déjà vu that I signed up for – a mystical connection with deep significance. It’s something to be paid attention to and not brushed off as a simple brain-self-check mechanism. This is not only the earth communicating with you, it’s your higher self reaching out and guiding you.

Déjà vu moments are meant to be questioned and observed: Where are you? Who are you with? What are you feeling?

This all being said:

You can essentially interpret déjà vu to mean whatever makes the most sense in your world. I know what I choose to believe – but how about you?

July 28, 2020

Emily SmithLeave a comment

Playlist Fiend: The Future is Female

My name is Emily, and I’m a serial playlist maker.

Road trip to Montreal? I gotta playlist for that.

In the mood for some incredibly sad songs that help you justify your tears for the ultimate cathartic release? Yeah, I got a “Feels” playlist obvi.

How about a playlist for that one mood that always happens on the same day every week and you need a playlist to get you out of the funk? Do you doubt me? Of course I have a playlist for that as well.

I’m ultimately obsessed with the power that music has over a situation – don’t even get me started on movie scores (Twilight has the best soundtrack of all time COME AT ME.)

Early on into the conception stage of Peachy Keen Collective, I was desperate to create a playlist that embodied what we were trying to create here. So I dove into massive research and read numerous articles trying to find “Women Empowerment Songs” that also were the right vibe. And honestly I never even found one article that had all the answers, and most articles really only had one song that I was keen on being in our “Playlist Mood Board.”

But alas, this playlist fiend hath created what she believes a worthy playlist.

Below are some songs that made the cut:

JULIANNA CALM DOWN BY THE CHICKS

“Put on, put on your best shoes / And strut the fuck around like you’ve got nothing to lose”

No one likes being told to calm down, but with The Chicks always following up with a “We know…breath. It’ll be okay.” It’s easy to feel that they’re giving advice from a place of deep understanding and “been there” experience. They’re not coming from a condescending place of, “You’re overreacting, chill.”

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I WAS AN EAGLE BY LAURA MARLING

“I will not be a victim of romance / I will not be a victim of circumstance / Chance or circumstance or romance, or any man“

If you are unfamiliar with Laura Marling, I would go as far as to compare her to a darker Joni Mitchell. All of her songs have this whimsical story telling to them that’s simply captivating. What really makes this song stand out is the whole premise of “I was an eagle, and you were a dove” ~ go listen and you’ll feel what I mean.

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GOOD KISSER BY LAKE STREET DRIVE

“If you’re gonna tell them everything / Tell ’em I’m a good kisser / Tell ’em all the things you told me / In your desperate whisper“

This upbeat jazzy ballad screams PKC – if you’re gonna tell the truth you better tell the whole truth and not just the parts that make you seem better.

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MOTHER’S DAUGHTER BY MILEY CYRUS

“Don’t fuck with my freedom / I came back to get me some / I’m nasty, I’m evil / Must be something in the water or that I’m my mother’s daughter”

I’ll admit, I know full well that Miley is hit or miss for a lot of people. But this song hits the spot. It’s about freedom, openness, & rolls well on a road trip to anywhere – and ain’t that just the ultimate vibe?

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GIRL CAN’T BE HERSELF BY ALICIA KEYS

“In the morning from the minute that I wake up / What if I don’t want to put on all that make up? / Who says I must conceal what I’m made of? / Maybe all this Maybelline is covering my self-esteem“

Alicia Keys is vibes on a million levels, and this song just puts her up even higher in my books. The minute she dropped the Maybelline brand name I was like “Same girl, same.”

……………………………..

GRIGIO GIRLS BY LADY GAGA

“On the Pinot, Pinot Grigio girls / Pour your heart out / Watch your blues turn gold / All the Pinot, Pinot Grigio girls / Keep it real cold / ‘Cause it’s a fired up world”

Lady Gaga’s album Joanne is straight fire and arguably one of the most beautiful albums she’s put out. I’m not into Pinot Grigio (more of a Sauv Blanc gal) but this song had me striving to find a Grigio I enjoy just to even more directly relate to this song *sigh*

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F E M A L E BY SAMPA THE GREAT

“Big bold women, round of applause / Get-my-goals women, round of applause / Know-my-roots women, round of applause”

Honestly those first few lyrics speak for themselves, so just listen to the song, vibe along, and feel that boost coming your way.

Full playlist here!

I’m sure there are songs you’re in shock that I didn’t include – why don’t you link your jams in the comments so I can take a peek??

July 24, 2020September 16, 2020

Emily SmithLeave a comment

Ask Yourself

I see you.

I see you struggling with bills, having to work in a team hellbent on one upping each other, and I also hear you deferring blame for your current situation.

But sometimes the hardest, most necessary, thing to do is to take responsibility for your present.

You’re having a hard time with bills, well ask yourself: what are some things you can do to lessen your financial strain?

You’re frustrated with your work environment, well ask yourself: what can you do to adjust the environment to be more flourishing for you?

If you’re unhappy with the present, don’t just accept it for what it is and continue to stew in your dissatisfaction, blaming others for your current state. Take control, figure out what it is you need to be happy and thrive.

I don’t mean in a broad sense either, take baby steps, find little things that will slowly ease you out of your situation. Here are some steps you can take to change your present.

Identify The Problem.

You’re having a hard time financially. Ask yourself:

Where is my money going?
I don’t want to adjust my lifestyle, is it possible to get a second job? -> If you feel you are above getting a second job… but want to keep your frivolous lifestyle and struggle financially… we just found your problem dude.

You’re unhappy with your work environment. Ask yourself:

What can the team be doing differently that would help me thrive?
- More communication? -> suggest daily check in calls or go the extra mile and directly tell your supervisor you feel out of the loop.
Is it the environment or the actual work that’s the problem? Would I be happy doing the same thing but with different people? Or do I hate my current routine? -> Depending on how you answer these is the difference between career change or a company change.

Take Action.

Ok, you’ve identified the problem – now actively do something about it.

It’s not enough to just say “Ope, yeah that’s the problem. Glad I can give the cat a name.” No, no, no.

If finances are a problem and you don’t want to downsize your lifestyle and quit living above your means, it’s time to buck up buttercup. There is nothing wrong with working more than one job. There is a massive misconception in thinking part time jobs are either food or retail, but how about working at a wine boutique? Babysitting? Photography? Dog walker? Tutor? House sitter? There are options! Fun options, at that.

If you’ve realized you’re unhappy with the your work environment – and you feel it’s nothing that can be solved with a good kumbaya moment with colleagues… maybe it’s time for a company change. Nothing wrong with that, people evolve and grow and that’s just life. But if you see yourself changing companies and still being dissatisfied with your life… it’s time to bounce careers, to try something new. If you don’t know where to start in a career change, just ask yourself what activities make you truly happy and explore that. If you’re keen on succulents, google “jobs working with succulents” or literally anything that brings you happiness: google that word + job.

SO

Hope you didn’t think I had more than those two steps, because I don’t. That’s really all you truly have to do to fix your present situation: identify the problem + take action.

It sounds simple, but I recognize the complexity of these two things and I also recognize the potential big steps – and existential crises – these can lead to. But this is what’s necessary to adjust your present to make way for a happier future.

Not to make this a religious post or anything, but the Serenity Prayer always comes to mind when I’m faced with difficult situations and looking for guidance on how to move forward:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.

July 20, 2020August 6, 2020

Emily SmithLeave a comment

If I Could Redo My Study Abroad

I studied abroad in 2016, it was the spring semester of my junior year in college, and I was posted up in Caen, Normandy, France.

I could blanket statement my whole experience by simply saying: I had the time of my life.

I made life long friendships, had unforgettable nights, traipsed around Europe chasing one adventure and sleepless night after the next… It was truly magical and amazing, I’m a huge advocate for study abroad programs due to my experience.

But now, 4 years later, I’ve reflected and there were definitely some things I wish I did a bit differently to further enhance my experience.

Maintained a relationship with my host family.

When I first arrived in France, I did a “Welcome Weekend” program where I stayed with an older French couple and they helped get me settled in the city. They also took me to a rather large dinner party their family hosted and honestly it was the most culturally overwhelming thing I’ve ever experienced. My French was mediocre at best and I spent the whole event near tears, guzzling wine the whole time. I would directly link this overwhelming experience as to why the minute the host family moved me into my dorm I practically blew them off. Even though they were nothing but overwhelmingly kind to me, it was exactly that – overwhelming. I was in culture shock, overwhelmed, and completely shut down. I proceeded to stick with mostly English speakers most of my time abroad when outside of the classroom.

In reality, I should have powered through this culture shock a bit better; perhaps reached out to my french professor in the US and talk through what I was going through with her, and embraced my host family (no matter how temporary they were hosting me) a bit more openly. I know that if I had, I would have great relations with them to this day, but now that is something that has blown like dust in the wind.

Saved more money prior to study abroad.

The best way to explain how I am with money is to say that I can make $5 last a lot longer than $100. So essentially all the money I brought with me was money I had earned only the summer before, which I worked three part time minimum wage jobs (I even gave a fourth job a go for about two weeks) and managed to put away around $1200. Which would be a fine amount if you cooked more than you ate out, didn’t travel as much, and rarely went shopping. But that’s literally the opposite of me. I went out like crazy, I traveled like crazy, and don’t even get me started on the shopping. Even piled with scholarships and the saved money that had me coming to Europe with close to $2,000… my family ended up needing to send me more money halfway through my time abroad because I ran bone dry.

So really if I had a do over, I would either be more frugal with my money while abroad or started saving maybe two or three summers prior to study abroad…

Traveled to more countries.

Ok, so I guess with this point I could really say being more frugal with my money is not in the cards for me – saving more and planning is though. When I was living in France, I traveled to Rome, Athens, Cologne, Berlin, Munich, Amsterdam, and Brussels. Believe it or not, I wish I saw more, went to more countries, and planned my trips more wisely. A part of me almost wishes instead of the Germany trip that I vacayed with other friends who tackled way more countries in a similar amount of time.

But at the same time, I also believe everything happens for a reason.

I don’t regret visiting those cities in Germany, and even though the people I traveled with caused me headaches like no other… that shorter trip also resulted in me going back to Caen with an extra week to hang out before classes started up again, and it led to cementing friendships with others who were in a similar boat as me – low on cash and spending a chunk of the holiday in Caen.

SO

Even though I have these do overs, they aren’t really do overs.

Everything happens for a reason; even though it seems like ties are severed with my host family I know I could reach out to them even today and spark up a conversation – they really were that kind – and while money makes the world go round, what good is it if you just have it all locked away? Use your money to experience, to aid in creating memories, and to expand your horizons.

Am I saying to blow all of your money?

You know what, if your bills are paid, freaking blow it.

And if you need help on how to blow your money to create memories, hit ya girl up. I got you.

July 19, 2020August 6, 2020

Emily SmithLeave a comment