What Biphobia Looks Like

Bisexuality: romantic attraction, sexual attraction, or sexual behavior toward both males and females, or to more than one sex or gender.

BIPHOBIA: THE DISLIKE OF OR PREJUDICE AGAINST BISEXUAL PEOPLE

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I grew up thinking I had a firm grasp on my own sexual identity.

I didn’t really know much about sexuality in the first place. I did know (or thought I knew) that a person was either straight or gay. I also knew that I wasn’t a lesbian, because I was attracted to boys.

But-

I was also attracted to girls.

I won’t go into detail about my coming out journey, but it took many, many years of denial and swearing up and down that I was totally straight to finally give up and come out as bi when I was 23.

The feelings of confidence and liberation I was given after coming out seemed to be endless. Then, I realized how many people were so deeply biphobic that they couldn’t even realize it. Biphobia can appear in so many different ways, and just because you aren’t homophobic does not mean that you aren’t biphobic!

Here are some offensive biphobic opinions that I’ve encountered:

1. You’re bisexual?? No you’re just (insert shitty opinion).

I have heard different variations of this so many times in the last 3 years of my life. When I tell someone I’m bi, it’s difficult and uncomfortable. THEN, just to spice up my already awkward, honest and vulnerable state, I’m told by the other person that I’m “probably not bisexual.”

Some reasons people give me to talk me back into the closet are:

–“you’re just sick of dealing with men.” I hate the bullshit that men throw into my life as much as the next woman, but first of all, women suck just as much as men do! It’s not the gender of the person you’re dating that sucks. It’s dating in general that sucks. Secondly, let me ask you this: if you were SO fed up with men that you could no longer take it, would YOU (as the 100% heterosexual being you say that you are) decide to solve that problem by sleeping with women? If your answer is yes…you might be bi too.

–“you just want to be different.” Look, I’m very happy as a bisexual woman, but this happiness has nothing to do with what other people think about me. In fact, the reactions I get from most people about my sexuality is what makes me unhappy. Sure, who doesn’t want to let their freak flag fly? But also, who would come out of the closet to be judged and questioned for “attention” alone? Ridiculous!

–“you’re not different from anyone else. All women are attracted to other women!” This one is favorite because it’s actually comical. Just in case you were wondering…no, not all women are interested in women the same way that they’re interested in men. Again, if you are, you’re possibly batting for both teams, like myself.

2. If you’re bisexual, you’re more likely to cheat on your partner.

This is another biphobic stereotype. Since bisexual women and men are interested in either gender, they’re unfortunately assumed to be hyper-sexual creatures. Just because we can be attracted to a man or a woman, doesn’t mean that we are attracted to all men and women. It also doesn’t mean that we are destined to a life of infidelity.

3. Bisexuality isn’t real.

It’s not only aggravating to be told by someone else that your own sexual identity isn’t correct (see #1), it’s even more frustrating to be told that your sexual identity doesn’t even exist. Yes, there are many people out there that believe it is completely impossible to be attracted to men AND women. These people also consider bisexuality to be made up for attention (also, see #1). Oddly enough, this seems to apply more to bisexual men. I assume this stems from the same homophobia that tells people that lesbians are hot, but gay men are terrifying (I grew up in a red state, so these opinions are ones I’ve heard far too much).

Anyway, for those of you who still sort of think bisexuality is made up, remember that sexuality is a SPECTRUM. There’s even an online quiz to see where you fall on the scale. Also–just because YOU identify as only seeing one sex as a potential mate, does not mean that everyone else feels the same way. Thanks for attending my Ted Talk.

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In summation, wherever you land on the Kinsey Scale is 100% acceptable and it’s what makes you, YOU. Anyone who considers themselves a part of the LGBTQIA community can tell you horror stories of their encounters with stereotypes, confused straight people and even downright bigots. However, 2020 is already bad enough! Now’s the time to be comfortable with yourself and just allow the haters to do their jobs.

Let yo freak flag fly.